Thankful for HOPE!

Three years ago this weekend, we found out the devastating news via ultrasound that our sweet baby had severe ventriculomegaly and that she may not survive out of the womb. Oh the anguish, on that beautiful fall day. I remember so clearly driving down the highway crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Andrew and I stopped at Island View beach and just tried to take in all of the info. we had just received. The cold, salty wind of the ocean seemed to numb every part of me, except the part that hurt the most.

If I only knew then what I know now. Oh how I would comfort my aching heart. I would tell myself that even though the journey ahead would be more difficult than I could ever imagine, and even though the searing pain of loss would break my heart into a million pieces, that I would look back on it with fondness and with longing. I would tell myself that God would reveal Himself to me, and meet me in a personal way. I would assure my aching soul that Gracie would be safe in my arms and never feel or know the feeling of being alone. She would never be separated from the love of God, and that even though it won't end with the healing I had hoped for on earth, that she will one day be free from her human constraints and in fullness with Jesus. I would tell myself that even though all I feel is weakness, that Christ would transform that weakness into strength. I would tell myself that God WOULD give me more than I could or would want to handle, but that He would give me what I need to get through one more day, hour or even second.

Finally, I would tell myself that in the end, Gracie would teach me so much about God's sacrificial love. After-all, God knew the pain of searing loss, as He turned His face away when His perfect, innocent, and only Son died for ME! Jesus felt total abandonment from the Father, experienced the darkness of hell and separation from His Father so that Gracie wouldn't have to. Gracie was never alone...she went straight from my arms into the arms of Jesus because God's amazing love.

And that is what I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving...is for the HOPE that came only through the sacrificial love of Jesus! A hope that this life is not the end, hope that one day I will see my sweet pea in fullness. A hope that Jesus will make all the sad things untrue. Hope that He will right ALL the wrongs, and hope that His return is coming. May this hope warm your heart as you sit around your table this Thanksgiving. We do have much to be thankful for...I know I do.

"Amazing love, how can it be? That you my King would die for me? Amazing love, I know it's true and it's my joy to honor You, in all I do, I want to honor you." (Newsboys)