Wednesday, March 02, 2016

The Heart Won't Let Me Forget

The heart won't let me forget, no matter how hard I may try.
I tell myself I am fine, it's just a pretty white lie.
And so I go on, piling on my plate more and more
Pushing down the memories, the pain, just as I had done before.

Afterall there is work to be done, reports to write
Assignments and reading must be done just right
Games, lessons, and homework with my precious ones
Cheering on my hubby as a Doctor he did become.

I thought I had a good handle.  I thought I was fine.
Yet my heart won over the messages I had in my mind.
I am coping, I am handling it.  Life is good and swell.
Yet my heart, was not conviced.  No, it had something to tell.

Stop.  Stop the busy.  Stop and remember me.
Let the pain, and let the siphoned tears finally run free.
7 years, my mind says, it shouldn't still hurt so.
Ah, but the heart, oh the heart.  The heart still knows.

The heart of me, the center of who I am
Is forever changed by the life of my sweet little lamb.
I have come far, by the Grace of God it's true.
But my shape is changed, forever it will take shapes anew.

Grief is fluid and it flows and changes like a river to the sea
Sometimes rising deep and strong, other time still as glass you see.
Although my  mind does try to predict the size and intestity of the wave
The heart knows better and does not allow me to hide away in an oblivious cave.

For how can a mother's heart ever truly forget?
The last hug, the last kiss, the last moment so intimate?
No, the heart won't let me forget, and so I am thankful for the beautiful pain.
So wash over my heart, mind and soul tonight Grief, come like a cleansing rain.

I look at the photos and videos, allowing the burdened filled tears to stain my cheeks.
I hug your siblings and hold them tight and stare at their faces as they sleep.
Oh sweet angel girl, my heart beats heavy and strong
To kiss that 'sweet spot' just one more time and sing over you in song.

And so I welcome grief tonight.  Oh dear heart you have center stage.
I am listening now, I have made the time.  No longer must you wage
war with my mind for I have calmed my thoughts and mind.
Thank you heart for reminding me to take this precious time.

My darling Grace I miss you.  It still hurts so ardently.
Yet I rejoice to think of you in heaven dancing so heartily.
So dance, dance, dance my little one.  Dance, dance for the Son.
Run, jump and play my little one, and I will sing and rejoice for your work is done.

Thank you Lord for a HEART that won't let me forget!