Saturday, March 02, 2013

It Is Finished.

Today, memories flood my heart, stir my soul, overwhelm my thoughts, and cause my physical body to be still and remember.  I remember when such grief overtaking days, were the 'norm'.  I remember when it took me twice as long to do anything, and simple chores seemed like monumental tasks.  I remember the insatiable urge to sleep, to stay in bed and pretend as though Grace was still in her crib.  I remember the sweet voices of my little ones urging me to get up and play.  Thank God for them, for it was because of their need for me to still be a mother that I prayed for God to stir from deep within me the strength to get up.

Hard days such as today are few and far between, a testament to God's mercies and healing in my life.  It doesn't mean I don't think of her daily, it just means the balance has become somewhat manageable.  I have learned the 'unforced rhythms' of remembering and loving Grace while still being present in the current moment.  There are days, like today and tomorrow where the balance is thrown off because of the mere depth of pain surrounding the day, hour, minute...second.

I remember the wise words of my grief counsellor, reminding me that I do not have to re-live the trauma of the final hours.  I can remember GRACE, I can remember her journey home, but I needn't relive it because it is already done.  Her journey home is finished.  And although my heart and mind is constantly trying to re-live what was happening four years ago, my spirit is choosing to listen to the whisper of hope.  IT IS FINISHED.

There is no other day, time, moment, second,  that I will ever be more thankful for the resurrected power of Jesus Christ than March 3, 2009.  The day that my sweet Grace passed from my arms into the arms of the One who holds the key to LIFE.  Gracie's Heaven Due Date -is  the date I will forever be most thankful for. The day that made real the sacrifice of my Saviour all those years ago on a wooden cross when He took on my sin and exclaimed those words "It is finished" so that thousands of years later when my heart was broken and my most precious treasure was poured out, I too could look to the heavens and say through tears of immense pain mixed with sincere thankfulness...."that it is finished and today my sweet Grace is with You in paradise."

Broken and spilled out 
Just for love of you Jesus 
My most precious treasure 
Lavished on Thee 
Broken and spilled out 
And poured at Your feet 
In sweet abandon 
Let me be spilled out 
And used up for Thee 
-Steve Green