Monday, September 02, 2013

She Would Be Starting Kindergarten Tomorrow....

She would be starting Kindergarten tomorrow.  Her hair would have been washed and braided just like her older sister's hair tonight.  Her little uniform would have been laid out at the bottom of her bed just like her older brother's is tonight.  Her backback would have been packed with shiny new inside shoes.  Her lunch kit would have a little yellow note reminding her that she is loved and  like her sibling's notes it would be decorated with bright red heart stickers.

Tonight, the pendulum swings and I am filled with that familiar beautiful pain.  Once again, I take the step of accepting a new chapter, and a new milestone.  Tonight I remember.  Just as Samuel set a monumental stone ( ’Eben hà-ezer)  to remember how the Lord had led the Isrealites to victory, I too, figuratively set a monutmental stone tonight.  I raise this 'stone' to remember how the Lord has in His strength and only by His grace brought me thus far.  There were days I did not think I would make it through the pain of one day, let alone four years without her.  A victory?  For me...yes.  It may sound ludicrous to think that simply living is a victory.  Yet for me, looking back on the last four years, I see it as nothing short of a miracle.  I have, by His grace, learned not only to survive, but to live again.  Days like tomorrow can often feel like I am taking a few steps back.  Yet by mentally marking it with a 'stone of rememberance,' I am choosing to remember just how far I have come.

Here I raise my Ebenezer
Here by Thy great help I've come
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home.
(excerpt from Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing)

And so my sweet pea, I choose to remember special days like tomorrow, marking it with gratitude as I reflect on just how far we as a family have come.  We are another day closer to joining you safely 'at home' on those celestial shores.  What a day, glorious day that will be!