Tonight, the pendulum swings and I am filled with that familiar beautiful pain. Once again, I take the step of accepting a new chapter, and a new milestone. Tonight I remember. Just as Samuel set a monumental stone ( ’Eben hà-ezer) to remember how the Lord had led the Isrealites to victory, I too, figuratively set a monutmental stone tonight. I raise this 'stone' to remember how the Lord has in His strength and only by His grace brought me thus far. There were days I did not think I would make it through the pain of one day, let alone four years without her. A victory? For me...yes. It may sound ludicrous to think that simply living is a victory. Yet for me, looking back on the last four years, I see it as nothing short of a miracle. I have, by His grace, learned not only to survive, but to live again. Days like tomorrow can often feel like I am taking a few steps back. Yet by mentally marking it with a 'stone of rememberance,' I am choosing to remember just how far I have come.
Here I raise my Ebenezer
Here by Thy great help I've come
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home.
(excerpt from Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing)