I have been thinking quite a bit about obedience lately, especially in regards to Mary. To think that such a young girl would be called to such a huge and overwhelming task is unfathomable to me. I love how God's ways are so often opposite to what our ways would be. To think that God would choose a girl - not a queen, nor a king, but a simple young girl from the long family line of a mere shepherd boy turned warrior king. Mary, descendant of David, was called to put all reason aside and just trust in sheer obedience.
Mary had a lot of reasons to disobey, and flat out refuse the call on her life. She had to endure the initial shock of the angel, then had to try to wrap her head around the mysterious and frightening idea that she would be with child which I am sure led to the panic of what others would say about her, her family, and her betrothed. I am sure she feared her for her life. How do you explain to the one you are giving your life to such inexplicable news? I can't even begin to imagine the look of pain and betrayal in the eyes of Joseph (who we know loved her enough to want to divorce her in quiet - before he knew the truth from the angel himself). Ugh - talk about a stressful situation! Yet here we see Mary in the middle of an inexplicable encounter choosing to obey. After asking the obvious question of "how can this be...since I am a virgin?" she receives yet another ambiguous piece to the mysterious puzzle. Even after this strangely wonderful, yet frightening encounter, she simply says "I am the Lord's servant...may your word be fulfilled." (Luke 1) WOW - talk about obedience.
I know if it were me, I would have had a million questions. My type A personality would have asked the angel to hold on for a moment while I grabbed for a pen and paper so I could jot down notes while he spoke. I know our own personal journey with Grace was full of the unknown. Trusting the Hand of an unseen God is not easy. Yet I knew His voice, for He had guided me all my life through ups and downs, highs and lows. He was my Shepherd, and although I did not know the path and although it often was a path I did not want to tread, I still trusted His rod and His staff. Obedience for me didn't always come easy - and perhaps it was a struggle for Mary too? There were times I fought, and fought hard against what I knew was His will for Grace. He, in His love for me, allowed me the fight - but, as Andrew told me - God is big enough to handle our anger, questions and disappointments.
So as you enter this Christmas season, I am mindful that there are some of you who are in the middle of an inexplicably painful place. Although it has been a few years without Grace, the painful reminders of life without her remain. There are some of you in this ardent place of grief this year. There are also some of you living in the unknown of whether this Christmas will be the last one with a loved one. While some are picking up the pieces of broken dreams and relationships. No matter where you are in the scheme of life this year- whether you are singing all the jolly Christmas songs with gusto because life is beautifully wonderful, or if you find yourself crying yourself to sleep longing to just feel at peace again, I encourage you to come to the rough wooden cradle of Jesus, just the same, and worship Him. For in Him true peace, joy and fulfillment can be found. In Him, the eternal hope of true healing and wholeness is available to all who call on His name. Will you like Mary, in the midst of chaos and unfathomable confusion, choose to obey even if it doesn't make sense? Will you accept the call on your life and trust that He can make beauty from ashes?
The past few weeks for me have been emotionally draining, and I found myself yet again at the foot of the old rugged wooden cross. Obedience is not always the natural choice. It is often uncomfortable and even painful. Obedience for me is constantly and willingly releasing the pain that I sometimes so desperately want to hold on to. It is trusting even when I don't have the blueprint of life ahead of me. This Christmas may my response be as Mary's, in obedience may my heart say "I am the Lord's servant."
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