Tea Parties and Giggles...

This picture is of my sweet Olivia and her Winnie the Pooh having her first 'tea party.' Since then, tea parties have been a staple activity at the Evans' Household.

My little girl has two friends over this afternoon. They are having a tea party with tiny little teacups (thanks to my mother-in-law) and cookies on tiny little plates. Three dog stuffies are the honoured guests. As they pour their 'tea' (chocolate milk) they start making 'toasts.' It is taking everything in me to keep from laughing as they toast "TO GIRLS!!!!" & "TO CHOCOLATE BARS!" As they eat their cookies they say "bon appetite" in sing-song voices. They are giving names to one another such as Twila and using polite manners, and calling one another sweetie. Oh my stars...good this be any cuter?

Although I do miss the baby stage, days like today help. Days that remind me of the joy that still awaits. Days that remind my heart that even though I don't have a baby to rock to sleep, I have beautiful children to hold. As September comes to a close and we enter the Fall weather, a shift takes place in my heart as well. I tend to remember Grace as a baby, but in reality she would be 3 1/2 already. Where does the time go? Three years ago we were at Canuck Place recovering from the scare of almost losing her on the 11th. The Fall is marked as a season of great despair coupled with great hope and joy that she rebounded! The Fall also reminds me that winter is also on its way, and the winter season brings with it reminders of Gracie's decline and eventual passing. As I think back to the last 2 years + I can see the enormous strides I have made on my grief journey.

In those early days of grief, I couldn't fathom making it 1 day without Gracie, let alone 2 years!!! Yet, here I am, a breathing and living example of how God gives strength to the weary and comfort to those who mourn. I have down days, I still cry and I still remember the ardent pain of loss. Yet somehow one day turned to two, and one year has turned over into another. I wish I could tell myself back then what I have learned during this painful process. Here is what I would say...

You hurt and it's ok to hurt - never feel the need to rush through the pain. You feel like the world has ended, even though you know it moves on. Your aching heart will always ache, but the ache becomes bearable somehow. Your beat-up soul will find peace. Your endless questions will dissipate. Time won't heal all wounds, but what you do with that time will help you survive, and eventually thrive once again. Your tired body will learn how to rest again. Your personality traits will return. People may ignorantly say hurtful things about your grief journey, but you have learned how quickly life passes so you will extend forgiveness and grace. Your husband sticks by you through it all and though you grieve differently he is a man of courage, devotion and love. He rises to meet the road of grief and pain and will hold your hand, allowing you the freedom to grieve in your own way. Your children know they are loved, and they want to talk about Grace. They want to light candles when they miss her, and they love looking at pictures and videos of her. They also walk through the grief process with such confidence, knowing it's ok to be sad and happy at the same time. Your family continues to be a pillar of support and strength. They will remember with you and will allow you moments of sadness in times of joy. You will return to things outside the home. You will do things you never would have if Grace hadn't entered your life. You will find the balance of moving forward while still remembering. Your faith in God remains strong as you continually lean on Him for daily bread. It's unbelievably hard in these early days of pain and anguish, but one day you will see joy again. So cry when you need to, laugh when you can. Know that even though all you see is darkness and strife, hold on, trust the Potter. I promise you, that one day your heart will find peace and even joy again. The Potter will beautifully mend your heart ever so gradually, allowing for sparks of happiness to return to your soul through the healing sounds of your family, friends and children...perhaps even through tea parties and giggles.