Ever get the feeling like you are in a stand-still, stuck somewhere. Neither here nor there, just somewhere in between? Why is it when life is grand, life flies by at a warp speed? Yet, when you are in a rut - it feels like an eternity passes with each passing moment.
That is where I find myself today - stuck in between the hardest two dates of the year for me. Yes, holidays are difficult, but from February 14-March 3rd, I am stuck. Although there are good memories in this time, most seem to reflect the final pain and loss. The weather as well is so cold and snow has returned...what is up with that? This past weekend was one of BEAUTY! The sun was out, birds were chirping, the grass green and the sky so blue! The hope of Spring was dangling right in front of me like a carrot! Then in an instant - *poof* - came the snow.
Snow is beautiful in its own right. There is something magical about a pure white powdered snow dusting an evergreen tree like icing sugar! There is such grandeur in this season of winter if you have no place to go and can cozy up by the fire wrapped in a snuggly blanket gazing out the window at this snowy wonderland. Yet for me, seeing the snow outside pulled me back into the coldness and bleakness, back into the winter of my grief.
And this is where I have been these last few days. Yet, as I looked for signs of spring - I found some! I have felt the warmth of spring in a few ways. Some island friends sent me this picture of Gracie's playground covered in snow. The beauty of the snow mixed with the vibrant colours of the play structure blessed my heart today. Speaking to my dearest childhood friend last night and the upcoming birth of her second daughter reminded me of the circle of life and all the joys that are yet to come. Laughing with her seemed to crack the cold and sad casing around my heart. Another thoughtful and dear friend sent me a card in the mail and as I read her gentle words, I could feel the warm, salty tears falling down my face, and thawing my heart. Then another sweet friend dropped off a beautiful bouquet of tulips and a heart-warming book of quotes today just filled my heart with thankfulness. These God 'hugs' (as my sister likes to call them) reminded me that even though I am still navigating my way through this valley of grief once again, I am not alone. How thankful my heart is for all of you that have joined me in the pain and grief. You are a treasure to my grieving heart. I may be in between the seasons, but I am not alone.
"The healing began when a friend embraced me, leaving some of his tears on my cheek."
~Time Remembered~
2 comments:
You're so sweet Nelia, and you're certainly not alone in missing Grace. I love you and miss you too. And when I see Gracie's playground it reminds me of Gracie and the whole family too.
Kim - you truly are one of the most faithful, loyal people I know! You are a blessing to me (and so many others).
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