That is what the PROMISE is for...

A song I heard on the radio "Dancing in the Minefields" (by Andrew Peterson) while driving to Costco, had me in tears. It speaks of a couple married young and now are looking back on 15 years of marriage. He could have been singing our story as we are just a year and a bit shy of 15 years married. He sings that it was harder than they could have ever imagined, but that is what the promise is for. Isn't that true? We often start out married life wanting to be at the 'end.' We want the compatibility, the friendship, the devotion and love that we see in couples that have been married for years and years. In our naivete we do not fully understand - it didn't just happen, it was hard work.

A solid marriage is promising to 'dance in minefields' and to 'sail in the storm' together, not abandon ship at the first sight of hardship. Unfortunately, more people seem to give up on the promise that was meant to be eternal, which really is a pity for they will never experience the beauty, strength and depth that comes through hardships. We get so caught up in saying 'yes to the dress' that we don't always realize the profound commitment that marriage requires. The film Eat, Pray, Love. is in my opinion an example of selfishness when it comes to marriage. The main character marries the handsome all-around 'good guy', but she decides it just isn't the life she wanted. Even though he is committed to working it out, and loves her, she desires more and won't settle for anything less than what she thinks she deserves. WOW. Is that not our world today? In the moment, couples can get caught up in the emotion of love and get married with all the frills. Then a few years down the line things either get tough and life seems like a battle that is easier walked away from. Or life becomes boring and mundane and one (or both sides) decide there must be 'more' than this. (I must add here that I do realize that there are valid reasons for divorce - such as abuse, etc., I am not referring to this of course).

Andrew often is asked to officiate weddings, and in turn he often will provide some marriage counselling. One thing that he tries to make so clear (and this is worth the price of admission right here) is that love is so much more than just an emotion. For a marriage to thrive, not just survive, is to have the mind-set that love is more than an emotion, but rather is a commitment - a God decreed covenant. I think if we truly understand that, we would enter a marriage with much more reverence and deep understanding.

Before Gracie, Andrew and I had a wonderful relationship. Now looking back over our journey of Gracie, I can see how much deeper and sweeter our love is; yet this love would not have been so molded and strengthened by solely the joys of life, but rather it is borne from our pain. Hardships (whether we like it or not) are part of life. These trying times in life can make your love stronger if you devote yourselves to stick by one another through the good and the bad, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, IF being the operative word.

Goodness...marriage is hard, but it is also beautiful. I feel so blessed to have found my love when I was so young. I have now lived more days knowing Drew than I lived before he entered my life. He is my rock, my best friend, my one and forever love. Has life been a bowl of cherries? No. Do we always get along and never raise our voices? No. Has it been easy? No. Has it been worth it? Absolutely. So whatever stage you may be in - whether you are just choosing people to 'date', whether you are engaged, married, or even married and wondering if you made the right choice. I challenge you to change the scope of how our society views marriage and look at it through the eyes of commitment - so much commitment and devotion that you and your spouse would be found dancing in the minefields.