My Security Blanket

This time of year will always be bittersweet - no matter how many years pass, Springtime will always remind me of Grace. As new life begins to sprout up from the ground, it reminds my grieving heart that my sweet pea has also bloomed in heaven. I am in awe that it has been nearly three years since our sleeping beauty went to be with her Prince of Peace. I remember in those early days of grief wondering how I would ever survive each passing day - let alone three years? It is nothing short of miraculous that I am here three years later, not only surviving but truly living again.

I have felt a sense of strength in my spirit this year. God has strengthened my resolve and breathed new life and new dreams into my heart. After Gracie passed away I felt stripped of who I was for I became so wrapped up in her care and the care of my family. I felt like a toddler stripped of their security blanket and left to face the world without it. There were days I would cry out in tantrum - longing for her to be back in my arms. Truth be told I took Gracie's actual blanket (my favorite one in the picture above - made by my dear friend Kim) with me everywhere I went - literally EVERYWHERE for the first few months.

In the grocery store if I saw diapers or a baby toy I would reach in my big purse and out came the blanket. I didn't care if people thought I was crazy - I needed to feel her, remember her, and by clenching that blanket I was able to continue shopping. Or if I saw a familiar face or a Puraltaor Truck (that used to deliver her products) I would whip out the blanket just like a toddler would! Sounds a little crazy I know - but in those dark days of grief and depression it was what I needed.

I remember thinking I am never going to be able to give up her blanket! Will I be going to Olivia's high school graduation with the blanket in hand? Thankfully, God is my ultimate comfort and as the days turned into weeks, then months and now years I don't carry it with me throughout the day. I do still keep it close to me at night. It is a tangible way to remember her every night and thank God that she is safe in His arms every night as well.

This blanket was always with Gracie. It is so soft and the colours depicted her personality so well! It is probably the most treasured article of hers that I own. I made myself watch her video this morning - her video eulogy that was shown at her funeral. It is so painful to get through - but as I saw her wrapped in this special blanket, it brought comfort to my heart. She was wrapped in our love from day one, and as much as this blanket physically covered her, we as a family saturated our sweet baby with all the love we had!

Thank you for those of you who still read my thoughts and have followed our story of Grace. I know you loved her and our family. Your prayers have sustained us and again we would appreciate prayer covering over our family as we celebrate and remember the day Grace stepped into true healing - her heaven due date - March 3, 2009.

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. Psalm 116:15